A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
