there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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