I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
