Michael Bay diarrhea
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm like, not good at living.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
