i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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