oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize