i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
