Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
