so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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