This girl is more easily done than said...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
