My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
