if i can run in heels then i can drive
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
