Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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