idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
