I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
