I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
