He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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