Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
