sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
