Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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