you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
