she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
