so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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