She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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