Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm always down for nudity.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
