Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
