Say something about gay babies.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
