I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I just sharted jello shots
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