My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
