Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
