There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize