im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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