I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I need to stop coming to work sober
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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