How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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