I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
