Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
