He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
