dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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