its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
