matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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