There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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