Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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