she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize