i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
