My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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