im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
