He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
