i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
