I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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