Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize