I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
