You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
