On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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