What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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