the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
