Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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