Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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