I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
