you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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