just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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