This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
