Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
