Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
