She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
