can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ladies don't puke and tell
false alarm, still single
Randomize
