my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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