Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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