Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am naked and annoyed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
