DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
