please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
