i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
