You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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