I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
