Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
