I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
