Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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