if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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