life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
do nipples grow back?
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