Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize