Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Screwed.edu
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
