from now on my penis is your penis
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
