had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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