I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
