If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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