Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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