There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
