So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
