Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize