i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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