I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
