I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
