If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
