She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
