would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
