what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize