I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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