Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
