when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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