Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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