I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
