East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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