Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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