Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
