just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize