Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
