Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
