Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize