I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Buhtt sex?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
