I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
