I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
