That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize