I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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