I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
