she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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