Its about making memories worth repressing
this beer tastes like vomit already
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
